The ever-wearisome Social Justice Warrior/Wokescold/BLM/WHATever loons have gotten so bored with rioting that they’re mad at the Washington Redskins again. This attempt to shame the Redskins into changing their nickname usually picks up steam at this time of year. Redskins owner Dan Snyder is one of the worst professional sports owners in history but he has remained firm in his resolve to keep the team name prior to this. That will probably change soon.
Also currently under fire are the Cleveland Indians and the Canadian Football League’s Edmonton Eskimos. Both teams are in discussions about how to wuss out and give in to the rage mob.
The one last hold out in the world of American professional sports is the NHL’s Chicago Blackhawks, who recently announced that they like their name and mascot are just fine and they will be hanging onto them, thank you very much.
While I have long advocated against any kind of capitulation to the rage mob, I am warming up to the idea of finding new ways to torture them. It may seem impossible, but I think we can come up with new ways to make their tiny little leftist brains go haywire. Let’s be honest, my friends, it’s a lot of fun to watch them spaz out.
Consider this thought experiment that has been running through my head for two days now: let’s do a preemptive strike and simply ban all professional sports mascots in the United States. Let’s be generous and invite Canada to join us.
As Bryan pointed out during this week’s VIP Gold Live Chat, it works just fine for European soccer. Prior to this week, I would have been loath to take any inspiration from soccer, but it serves my purpose here.
Banning the mascots is just part one of my plan. It suckers the SJWs into thinking that they have scored a major victory. I want them to feel very good about themselves before crushing their spirits.
Part two of Operation No Mascots seeks to exploit the fact that the Cancel crowd brats are all anti-capitalist commies. This phase involves slapping as many corporate logos as possible on players’ jerseys. Make it so gaudy that NASCAR appears reserved in its approach to corporate sponsorship.
Teams like the Indians and Redskins that have been harassed for years should go really big, forming partnerships with companies in industries that the Cancel crowd particularly hates, like fossil fuel companies. My Pillow would be a great choice, too. Amazon, if you really want to mess with their heads. Big logos from the companies that most offend the SJWs are what I’m after here. The first time Washington takes the field with KOCH INDUSTRIES emblazoned across their outsize football player chests, the wokescolds will become positively apoplectic.
After giving the little idiots a huge taste of “be careful what you wish for,” discussions can begin about transitioning back to mascots.
It’s crazy, but it just might work.
PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.